In the Wizard of Oz,
the Cowardly Lion wants courage. He is
fearful. He knows there are great things
in the world but, he is too afraid to expose himself to them. So, he lives in a
box of fear and procrastination. To the world he is to be feared, after all he
is a lion. The lion is so afraid he is
fearful of his own image. He looks through the mirror darkly. Whom the lion could become was so fearful to
him, he rejected the opportunities to live up to his full potential. How many of us live lives filled with fear.
The word of God says we have not been given the spirit of fear but of power love and a sound mind. Like the Cowardly Lion, when I used to look in the mirror and saw what God sees, I was afraid. The image of greatness is cloaked in power, love and a sound mind, but I was blinded by fear.
All my life I have run and hid from the image of God in me. I rejected my potential to live a full life filled with joy while holding on to my brokenness. The past hurts had bound me and kept me from experiencing the greatness of God. I am learning when I live and feed from the fountain of fear and past hurts, I do not allow myself access to the gifts from God. Power, love and a sound mind. I stumble around, afraid of my own shadow. Reliving the pain and rejecting the joy of living in and for Christ while rejects my inheritance. I have been given the Kingdom of God and all that it contains through my salvation in Christ. When I am fearful, I cheat myself. If I only had courage.
I have wasted a lot of time lamenting my past in my present life. I have bankrupted my bright today by putting a cloak of depression and fear over the light. It has been asked, “why do people stay in painful situations?” People often reply, it is easier to live with the pain you know than to take the risk of the unknown.
This week God called home a mighty man of God, Michael Charles Nash. I adored Michael since I was 16 years old. I was fearful to share my feelings because I feared rejection. My feelings weren’t sexual. They were about his beautiful mind and heart. I don’t think either one of us recognized the image of God we saw in the mirror. We just quietly allowed moments of our greatness to leak out. God allowed me to reconnect through the power of Facebook after over 40 years of disconnection and many miles traveled through this life.
We both landed in Texas after a long journey from California in God’s providence. When we eventually spoke, we realized we had been circling in the Spirit for years. Almost connecting and almost colliding. We had set up a meeting about six months ago, but I was fearful and canceled it. We were scheduled to meet next week, and we probably will, but it will be at his funeral. I had opportunities to meet but feared I would be an interruption or irritation. For that I will always regret that I didn’t. I thank God for a precious conversation we had where we both let down our guards and ignored our fears. Wow, how much we loved and admired each other when I was 16 and he was 20.
The reason I sought out Michael Charles Nash and Earnest Little a little over a year ago was because I needed to reconnect with the little girl who was 16, brash and prickly because she was so hurt and afraid. The two people who I allowed glimpses of my tortured soul were Earnest and Michael. I asked God to reconnect us because I wondered what they saw that allowed them to love me and caused me to love them still over 50 years later. God answered my prayer through a Facebook connection.
Michael is in the Spirit
now. I promise him and myself when I see
him again in heaven, I will do better at sharing my love and admiration of him.
Earnest and I talked last week about attending Michael’s homegoing. If the services are held in Texas, we have
promised each other we make sure we see each other, no matter what it
takes. As we ended our call, he said he
still loved me like he always had. I was deeply touched and saddened I had
missed such a wonderful gift through hurt and fear. I mentioned how much it
meant to me that he loved the prickly little girl that feared life so much she
didn’t show how much she cared. He said, “that is what makes you Gwen and that
is what makes me Earnest.” His kind
loving words, which were so much the Earnest I love and admire, watered a dry
place in my soul. Thank you, Earnest.
This is a week of reconnections. I am scheduled to attend the family reunion of my deepest connected soul sister Regina accompanied by my birth sister Joyce. If scheduled, I will be attending the homegoing of my unsung hero Michael. I pray I am given the opportunity to thank Earnest in person. The pieces of my life are coming together in the miraculous way only God can. What a beautiful mosaic he is creating through his healing love and eternal vision over our lives.
In closing, this week my mother, Arlillian shared a message Christopher Robin gave to Winnie the Pooh. I will share it with you. “Promise me you’ll always remember you’re braver than you believe and stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.” I promised myself I will muster up courage through faith in the God who loves me so, to live out loud shining the light of Christ in the World using the time I have left on this earth to LOVE.